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I’m not sure I could balance being both a solid partner and mother right now.Single motherhood also eliminates the stress and complications that arise from incompatible parenting approaches and values in a two-parent home.While my friends yearned to find the right man to marry someday, I fantasized about finding lost babies in the woods or adopting a child as soon as I turned 18 (the youngest age allowed in Massachusetts).So when I became a single mom recently at age 31 — after a decade and a half of preparation and 11 cycles of trying to get pregnant (I used various methods: known-donor in-a-cup vaginal insemination, my own anonymous bank sperm, and intrauterine insemination with a midwife) — it was no accident. ” I often get perplexed, sympathetic or tight-lipped responses to the answer: He doesn’t have one.I understand that this might sound like I’m a dictator needing total control, but that’s not my motivation.I want to have the freedom to always act in my son’s best interest.Seven out of 10 think single women having children is bad for society. Being a single mom is an experience I have craved for as long as I can remember.
There can be significant differences between children growing up in intentional families and those in unplanned families.Those responses surprise me because loving families exist in so many different configurations and come about in so many different ways.But our culture tends to pity and shame single mothers.As a young teen, I romanticized even the mundane experiences: balancing my night classes with kids’ homework and tucking them in bed (leaving on a soft light).I imagined walking, with socked feet, into our tiny living room, picking up a car or a doll from the floor and wiping oatmeal from the arm of a chair, before spreading my homework or a book I was writing on our table.
She rightly concludes that “What matters most, it should go without saying, is the kind of parent you are.” Single motherhood is no longer an unusual choice, and many single moms don’t reflect the stereotype.